What I learned at 16...and What I know today





I was 16 years old and had just been selected to be a Kansas City Chiefette – a professional NFL cheer leader – a professional dancer.  This was my dream and I was flying high….for about 2 weeks--until the day the squad directors called me over and told me I needed to lose weight. This went on the entire season – I finally asked one day, in tears, what they wanted me to do?  I was at the same weight as when they hired me, so why was I no longer good enough?  They said they just wanted me to lose "one pound" because my butt hung out of my uniform a little too much.  

Me - circa 1984

From that day on, at 16 years old, I knew I was fat – after all, experts in judging beauty had told me so.  From that day on, my battle with food, weight, eating disorders and self-esteem began.

I find it interesting, today, that these beauty experts did not offer me any tools or suggestions on what to do.  Therefore, I did the only thing I knew to do – cut back on my eating.  I tried to stay at 500 calories a day – until the days came that I couldn’t take it anymore and, then, I would binge.  Then, with self-loathing, I’d go back to the 500 calories a day.  I learned to fear food.  It was my enemy.





Today, I’m the mother of a 15 year old daughter, and I look back on that young girl, and I shudder to think of my daughter ever feeling that way.  She is a beautiful, healthy, smart, athletic young woman.  And I have always tried to teach her that beauty comes in many shapes and sizes, and that true beauty shines from within herself.  And, that just because someone says something, that doesn’t make it so.

Today, as an adult woman, I have finally found peace with my body.  I went thru a phase where I didn’t do any physical activity and just let my body do its thing. Sure, I gained some pounds, but I learned that, despite not working out and not watching what I ate, my body didn’t blimp up as I had feared.  For many years, this was good enough for me. 

It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I started feeling like I wanted something more – I wanted to feel fit and strong!  Today, I am fit and strong – both physically, but even more importantly, mentally.  I enjoy eating and try to balance out daily healthy eating with the occasional splurge.  And I’ve discovered that I love to exercise!  No longer do I do it as a “grudge” activity – today I do it because I feel so good and I know that exercise is a key component to my ability to wake up feeling great every day! 

I don’t want anyone to ever have to feel the way I did,no matter what age or weight you are.  Being fit and healthy is something you do for yourself, first and foremost.  From that, there are so many other benefits – for your family, your career, your ability to live your life with purpose.  And there are so many tools available today to aid you in achieving your goals.  Reach out and grab them, ask for them, incorporate them into your life! 

When I was 16, I thought it was all about how I looked. 

Today, I know differently. Food is not your enemy. Working out is not a “grudge” activity.  Feeling good, being healthy, living your life with optimism and passion – these are all things worth fighting for! 

These are all things I know today that I wish I would have known when I was 16.


Me - circa 2011